Hi! 0000.
How was the trip?
I just wonder if I can stop by tomorrow?
If I can, what time is best for you?
Talk to you soon~~.

위에 문장이 맞나요?
뭔가 어색한거 같은데....

아님...
Hi! Ms. 00000.
How was the trip?
I just wonder that I can stop by tomorrow?
If I can, what time is best for you?

아님 둘다 이상하면 수정 부탁드려요~~~
감사합니다
Talk to you soon~~.